Almost Mine Page 8

  ‘You are my one and only,’ he murmured against my lips before straightening. ‘And you have no idea how much I would love to sweep you away for a while, and I’d prefer if you took someone with you. My mum —’

  ‘Fine. I’ll ask Lucy.’ Be damned if I was going to leave Lucy to Nick for a week. ‘But this isn’t what I had in mind, Nicholas. I said we need a break, not I need a break,’ I reminded him.

  ‘I know, but it would be good for us to have a break.’

  ‘Do you need a break from me?’ I said in a hurry.

  Nick leaned in and nuzzled my neck. ‘Never, but we should shake off this rut we’re in. Take a break with Lucy and then you can come back to me refreshed and ready for round two,’ he breathed his warm breath on my neck.

  ‘Round two?’ I scoffed and I felt Nick’s calming arms around me.

  ‘Ok, round one million and two,’ he amended, ‘just come back ready for me.’

  ‘I wish I didn’t have to go without you. How will being apart help me to have a baby?’

  Nick let me go and straightened himself once more. ‘I guess it won’t in the short term, but I’m sure the sacrifice will pay off for you in the long run.’

  I eyed him curiously. ‘Are you annoyed with me?’

  He let out a short laugh but I detected no humour. ‘Why would I be?’

  ‘I thought you wanted a baby.’

  ‘I do. I just thought that after two years with me, a baby would not be your only priority.’

  ‘Nick —’ I began, but didn’t have a chance to finish. He stood and made his way back to his work.

  Would this guilt always eat at me like this?

  An hour later he found me in the kitchen as I began clearing away the breakfast dishes. On the breakfast bar was my calendar, my journal and my self-help book that was tattered and turned up at the edges just like someone’s oldest, most loved novel ought to be. Nick eyed my paperwork before settling himself on the stool furthest away from it. I still busied myself with the cleaning.

  ‘You should go, Cate. Take a break,’ he told me as he placed his hands firmly flat on the counter. I stopped fussing and wiped my soapy hands on a towel.

  ‘What would be the point?’ I leaned back on the sink. He reached across to the fertility book.

  ‘This is the point.’ He reached across for the rest. ‘All of this is the point.’

  ‘That is helping us, Nick,’ I maintained as I stubbornly crossed my arms.

  ‘Is it really?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Nick raised an eyebrow but I held my ground. Instead of arguing with me about this, which even to the less educated was obviously pointless, Nick stood and met me where I had turned back to the soapy water.

  ‘I’m sorry, Nick, but I don’t know how to be unselfish about this,’ I said as he came to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. ‘I can’t just give up.’

  ‘I never asked you to give up. Surely those books tell you that if you force it that it makes conception less likely.’ I said nothing as he used my own information against me. Touché. ‘Am I right?’

  I didn’t answer because I didn’t have to. The tears that Nick saw trickling down my cheeks were surrender enough. He held me tighter as I worked.

  ‘Please take a break from all of this. You need it. Just for one cycle,’ he compromised. He nuzzled into my vanilla-scented neck. ‘And then, like I said, come back to me for round two million or something.’ Finally I laughed, slightly.

  ‘Fine.’

  ‘Somewhere relaxing and preferably somewhere a good twenty degrees hotter than here,’ I answered Lucy’s question, blowing on my steaming bowl of roasted vegetable soup. ‘This cold seems to be chilling me to the bones this year. I think I’m getting old.’

  ‘Oh, please,’ Lucy scoffed, ‘you’re twenty-four, for goodness sake. What about the Gold Coast?’ Was it her own realisation of what she’d said or the warning look I flashed Lucy at the mention of that place?

  ‘Queensland, yes, but I have to say no to the Gold Coast. What about the Sunshine Coast, or Cairns?’ I flipped open a tour guide that I’d picked up at Maisy’s earlier that morning. Lucy spun it around on the table to get a better look.

  ‘What about Townsville? I could pick me up a brave lieutenant to commando-roll around with for a while,’ she grinned mischievously. ‘Every woman should at least once be able to full fill her fantasies. Plus, it’s in my destiny to bed a soldier…’ she trailed off. ‘But first maybe I should take my foot out of my mouth.’

  ‘What? I will fulfil my fantasies. The important things just take longer than others that’s all,’ I shrugged. ‘And what would I do, huh? While you’re “commando-rolling” perhaps I’ll catch a rugby game; how exciting for me.’ I soaked my tone in sarcasm. I spun the magazine back around. ‘The Sunshine Coast sounds good. I’ll get Nick to help us with the bookings and what not. This is going to be good. I just wish my overworked husband could join me but…’

  ‘Oh, I just love being the consolation prize,’ Lucy rolled her eyes.

  ‘You know what I mean. Hopefully when we get back Nick and I will have been rested sufficiently enough for round one million and two,’ I smiled to myself at his words.

  ‘Well let’s do this, Catey. The Sunshine Coast it is.’

  ‘So it’s all set then. Bribie Islanders won’t know what’s hit them once Lucy sets foot up there,’ Nick chuckled as they sat together by the open fire after dinner.

  I was sitting cross-legged as I labelled bottles for the new batch of sweet red. I liked to help out as much as I could around the winery, but didn’t really know much about the process. Labelling and paperwork, however, was something that I did know about. I had made my own mark on the family’s livelihood when I took over the office duties. Albert never really had a mind for numbers; he just made delicious wine that spoke for itself while Beth had been the bill payer. When retirement came, I relished in the fact that I was able to make my own contribution.

  ‘And you,’ he continued, ‘I’ll be surprised if you come back to boring old me once you’ve seen the smorgasbord of tanned men.’

  I was distracted, though, as Nick bantered with me. The holiday was my idea, but I also couldn’t stop myself from thinking about a missed opportunity. I’d be away for the precious days, hours that I’d be most fertile. Begrudgingly, I agreed that it was for the greater good. And Nick had already relaxed immeasurably knowing that his wife would be getting the distraction that I obviously needed.

  I glued a label on and examined it closely, tilting my head to be sure that it was straight, lost in my own world as Nick attempted to provoke a rise out of me.

  ‘But don’t worry about me, though, because I’m sure I’ll have my pick of the ladies to make my dinner while my beautiful wife is away gallivanting.’

  I sighed deeply as I finally looked Nick’s way, taken aback by his bemused expression.

  ‘What?’ I asked with bafflement. Nick scooted behind me and wrapped me in his arms, leaning my back on his bare chest. The flames licked the red gum that warmed us as we sat.

  ‘I’ll miss you, angel,’ he murmured into my neck as I tilted my head back onto his shoulder. ‘Everything will turn out ok, you’ll see.’

  I sucked back the downhearted breath that would no doubt bring me to tears, and Nick held me tighter. ‘I hope so, because I’m trying to trust your judgement, Nick’

  ‘Let me help you get these done so that we can go to bed.’

  I sat with my dad a few nights later as we watched TV. I made sure that I visited him regularly to ensure that he was looking after himself, because if I didn’t, he’d take it upon himself to empty the fridge of beer that should last him a week, and drink it in one sitting.

  ‘That Shaun Micallef is hilarious. I never laugh as much as I do as when I watch this show. And that Generation Y kid’s pretty funny too. I can never remember his name, though.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ was his typical response to me these days.

 
He stood from his arm chair, which was indented by his heavy frame, and went to the kitchen. The suction release of the fridge gave away the fact that he was reaching in for the last of the box of beer, even though it was only Wednesday and it was supposed to last until Sunday. I watched him with concern as he slumped back into his regular position.

  ‘I’m leaving for Queensland on Saturday, Dad. I’ll be gone for ten days, but Nick will come and visit. And Beth and Albert will check in on you too.’

  ‘I don’t need them, love.’ He lifted his mouth with an unconvincing attempt at a smile.

  ‘I know,’ I lied, ‘but they have nothing better to do than interfere with your life. Even if I tell them not too they’ll still insist. So just humour them, ok?’

  ‘Hmmm.’

  The television erupted with laughter and I couldn’t help but share in the fun.

  ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!’ I yelled at the TV. ‘Gosh, you’d think Charlie would have known that. This episode is a repeat; he should know the answers by now,’ I chuckled at my own joke. My dad remained unmoved by the animation in the room. ‘Ok, Dad,’ I sighed as the show lulled and moved on, ‘I might head home.’

  ‘Hmmm? Ok love, see you tomorrow then?’ He managed eye contact.

  ‘Of course.’ I stood from the couch and kissed my dad’s cheek. ‘I love you.’

  Chapter 8

  ‘I don’t want to go, Nick.’

  I woke early on Saturday morning. ‘I just want to stay home with you and…what?’

  He covered his face with his pillow. I lifted it from his shaking head. ‘What?’ I repeated.

  ‘Cate, you’re going on this holiday and you’re going to have a fantastic time. Now get up and get ready. The flight’s at two so we’d better get a wriggle on. Oh, no you don’t. Out.’ He nudged me when I tried to snuggle back into the bed.

  ‘Oh I get it. You’re trying to get rid of me. You don’t want me anymore,’ I clutched at straws as I sulked under the doona. Did I really have to go? Why wouldn’t he tell me to stay?

  ‘Yes that’s it.’ He pointed toward the door. ‘Now get out, because I can’t stand the sight of you.’ I uncovered my head, examining his insistently raised eyebrows.

  ‘Fine.’ I concealed a grin of anticipation as I dramatically threw the covers from my near naked body and swept myself from the bed. ‘I’ll go, and I won’t be back. So this is your last chance, Nicholas Andrew Mathieson. You can have this…’ I slowly ran my exploring fingertips across my voluptuous contours that were barely covered by red silk and lace, ‘or I can walk out right now. What’s it going to be?’

  A lustful smouldering expression seeped across his face and he sat up, holding out a beckoning hand.

  ‘Come back to me,’ he demanded.

  ‘But we’ll be late, remember? Lucy is expecting us,’ I teased while my fingers explored further.

  ‘Let her wait, angel.’ Nick crawled over the bed and reached for me, pulling me onto it, encasing me within his warm body. ‘We’ve never been apart this long. What am I going to do without you?’

  ‘Move on, no doubt.’

  He nuzzled his face into my neck and trailed slow, sucking kisses along my clavicles. I tilted my head and resisted the urge to reach for the thermometer to test whether I had, by some sort of amazing miracle, ovulated early.

  ‘Well if this is our last time together, I’d better say goodbye to you properly.’

  ‘How are you going to do that?’ I dared him, wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling him against my milling, tempting hips.

  His left hand warmed my thigh as it made its way from my knee to my hip. He gripped my bottom and before I knew what was happening, he had flipped onto his back, pushing me up to straddling him. He lifted his hips and pulled his boxer shorts down, but only enough to free him.

  ‘I think you know what I have in mind,’ he groaned as I stroked him, even though he was more than ready to enter me. He reached down his stomach for me, finding the softness of me, the most beautiful feeling on earth. ‘The question is, how are you going to say good-bye to me?’

  With a cheeky smirk, I pulled my underwear aside with my fingers and guided him into me.

  ‘With hope,’ I whispered before kissing him.

  Bribie Island was absolutely pristine. The sand that we could see from our seventh story floor-to-ceiling window was as white as the snow that covered the mountains that surrounded our home. And the sea was as clear as crystal; I wondered how soon we could unpack so that we could immerse our bodies within its purity. I felt Lucy at my side as I drifted with the water.

  ‘I’ve never been so grateful for fake tan,’ Lucy said as we watched the sun-kissed locals roam the heavenly scenery. ‘My lily-whites would let off U.V. one hundred percent more damaging than this hot sun,’ she laughed.

  ‘Fake tan and hot wax, two of a lady’s most important necessities,’ I agreed as I dropped a pile of clothes back into my suitcase. ‘Come on, let’s do this later. I want to feel my toes in that sand.’

  Much to my and Lucy’s blissful delight, the sand and the calm water were as supremely heavenly as we expected. And to prove it, we spent the entire afternoon, which seamlessly merged into dusk, the lingering sun refusing to put an end to this day that effortlessly contrasted freezing weather of home. Rumbling tummies, however, did persuade us to return to the hotel.

  An hour later, we sat in a roof top café patiently awaiting our prawn salad and fresh-from-the-boat lobster. Lucy relished the local produce, but I knew I’d struggle with the abundant choice of seafood. It was not usually a first choice for me, the salty fishy taste. A chicken or lamb salad would be my usual, safe choice. But when in Rome…

  ‘Not so bad is it?’ Lucy sat back rubbing her small pot belly. It had surprised me, but no, it really wasn’t so bad, much like the fact that I was enjoying her company for a change. Maybe I did like seafood after all, or maybe it was the vodka cocktails that washed it down that distracted me from the flavour. Either way, I’d enjoyed the meal, the entire experience of eating atop a three storey building watching the sun slowly disappear behind the world.

  This place was such a welcoming contrast to home. And I found myself unexpectedly relieved not to be there for a while. Whether it was Nick or our situation or my dad or just everything that dictated my life right now, I felt free to just be, to just think, to let everything melt into the sun…

  ‘I don’t mind if you want to call Nick,’ Lucy offered, breaking me out of my reverie. But I shook my head and drank down the last of my cocktail.

  ‘I called him earlier. He insisted that this is the right thing to do. It’ll help us in the long run apparently.’

  ‘Well, is it helping so far, you know, a bit of hands-off time away from each other? Have I sufficiently distracted you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I sighed as I absently rimmed the glass with a fingertip. ‘I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know what else to try. Everything is impossible.’

  ‘Maybe he is right then.’

  ‘Could be…’

  ‘Maybe a month of abstinence could be in order. Just to stop and regroup for a bit.’

  ‘That’s never going to happen.’

  ‘Well then have you thought about seeking medical…’ Lucy ventured, but stopped short after the whip of my head toward her ‘…just curious.’

  The subject was no longer up for discussion.

  The first few days easily lulled me into holiday mode, and as the sunny days browned my skin, and I became more accustomed to Bribie Island’s casual lifestyle, I felt more relaxed and open to suggestions about how to spend our time. Lying on the sand all day was lovely, don’t get me wrong, but where was that party girl that used to live inside me?

  On our last night, however, I did have my reservations at Lucy’s plan to check out a club that was about ten minutes from the hotel. Clubbing hadn’t been my scene for a long time, and I doubted Nick would agree with the barely-there black mini and lemon yel
low halter that Lucy had persuaded me to wear; to fight her whining endurance would be futile. Plus, the heat was stifling so the attire wasn’t all bad.

  ‘That colour looks hot on you, Catey,’ Lucy yelled as she blow dried her hair. ‘This club’s pretty new apparently so it should be buzzing.’

  ‘Great,’ I replied dispassionately as I slipped into my heels. I could already feel the pre-emptive ache in my feet.

  ‘Plus, I think Tom will be there. Come on, I’m ready. Let’s go!’

  Fizzer’s was buzzing, and the music was loud, but that wasn’t my problem; it was the sticky, sweaty dancers that pushed against my body that made this club the most undesirable place to be tonight. The drinks were delicious and fizzy, of course, so that would get me through the next few hours while Lucy did the old bump and grind with Tom on the dance floor.

  Lucy had met him a week or so earlier, barely a day after we had landed, at a surf shop while Lucy and I were trying on bikinis; apparently my one-piece was very outdated and Lucy had joked that I may as well have been wearing a burkqa. Since that chance meeting, the lovebirds had been positively inseparable, and I realised how tedious and tiresome being the third wheel was. At least I didn’t have the inconvenience of being in love with Tom like Lucy was with Nick so I could only marginally relate to her.

  But Tom was, in fact, a soldier, so Lucy couldn’t very well say no when he asked her out to dinner, or to the beach so that he could teach her to surf, or to breakfast at sunrise or to dance here tonight. So, it was the universe that placed him in front of her; who was she to deny it?

  I didn’t tag along at every outing; I didn’t, in all honesty, have any inclination to go on any of their dates with them, but Lucy had felt guilty leaving me alone on our holiday. So, the third wheel was unfortunately unavoidable. Coming out with them tonight was to prove that I wasn’t a boring stick-in–the-mud.

  I sat alone, well, not entirely alone. There were twenty other people around the packed bar as I sipped my Midori splice, sliding appreciatively into intoxication. I listened to twenty year olds whine about whose boyfriend was dancing with which skank. I listened to people in their thirties whine about the outrageous price of their cocktails and I watched forty year olds skulking in the darkened corners, looking completely out of place as they’d belatedly realised that they were.